Deb Erikson

On May 13, 1997, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  I found great strength from a website for breast cancer survivors.  Here is the article I wrote during the summer of 1997 to add to that website in the My Story section.

Here is the site.  Put in any health concern and get lots of wonderful support and info.
webmd.com

Cancer - The Gift of Life

On May 13th I looked in the mirror after a shower and saw a very misshapen breast.   At that moment I knew it was cancer.  Since then I've had a mastectomy on the right side (6 out of 10 lymph nodes positive), and am 2/3 of the way through a clinical trial that is pretty rough chemo.  After this I will get Radiation Therapy for seven weeks.

Now for the good part.  After a hard three months, I can honestly say my life is much better than it was Before Cancer (BC).  That is because I have grown and changed a great deal.  I've learned to accept where I am and what I'm dealing with.   Strangely enough, once I stopped being afraid of dying, I started really living.

I don't worry about the cancer returning.  If I think about it, I acknowledge it and then just let it go.  Those moments occur less and less.  I spend a lot more time thinking about things I love.  I use the things I like to help change my mood or to help deal with nausea or pain.  I'm a weaver and can get lost in designs or yarns for long periods of time, effectively replacing fear or despair with something much more fun!   I have learned how to enjoy life as never before.  I like who I am now much more than who I used to be.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

From "Playing the Hand You're Dealt" by Deb Erikson

Cancer Dance Links

The Gift of Life

Helpful Hints

Rituals

Endingbeginning

Playing the Hand You're Dealt

 

I'm not saying that this is happy and easy experience for me.  We all have our dark times, and mine tend to hit at 3:00 am.  On my really bad chemo days, I usually ask my husband if we have a handgun in the house.  But now I remember that the dark times don't last forever.  Tomorrow will always be better.  I realize that sounds trite, but it is true.  It gives me hope.

Mostly, I would say that this experience has put everything in perspective.   Happily, I was always a short hair person.  Now it's just REALLY , REALLY short...  My husband set the tone for the loss of my breast.  When we first both looked at the scar, he leaned down and kissed it.  Luckily, my family has not been really frightened of this.  They also have accepted it and gone on.  My kids enjoy pointing out that I have this odd stripe of freckles (I like to call them that - it sounds cuter) down the center of my head.  It's amazing what was under that hair.   My husband loves rubbing my bald head.  I am beginning to think he will miss it when I grow hair again.  To him all of this represents that we will have more time together. 

I wrote this in an effort to help someone else see the gift that cancer can be.  I fully expect to be here a long time.  I have a lot left to do.  This just made me get down to doing it.  And never forget, unless you are in the home stretch, cancer is not a death sentence unless you make it one.

 

email me at

deb at debraerikson.com

 

 

 

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